5 Ways Self-care Can Improve Intimacy in Your Marriage

Are you looking for ways to improve intimacy in your Christian marriage? Better intimacy could be as simple as eating less junk food or cutting back on sodium. Scripture also guides emotional and spiritual self-care in marriage. Read on to discover more!

Self-care is important; most of us know that. But did you know that self-care can also help your marriage?

Good self-care can help you stay healthy, bring you joy, and improve intimacy.

But it doesn’t require drastic changes.

Small, incremental changes will do. Here are a few of the pretty easy activities we tried; I think you’ll also find them helpful.

Exhausted and Overwhelmed?

This Self-care Starter Guide will show you 3 simple steps to take RIGHT NOW to better care for yourself. 

Be sure to grab yours! Get your FREE copy of the Self-care Starter Guide HERE!

Self-care Can Improve Intimacy in Your Marriage

I’ll start with my story. The short version: we struggled with infertility for almost seven years.

We were trying to start a family, work full time, and attend night school simultaneously, so we ignored the whole ‘take good care of yourself’ jargon.  

We weren’t ignoring it on purpose; we were just trying to get through the day.

Investing in the intimacy of our marriage was the furthest thing from our minds.

But we weren’t pouring into our marriage with this way of living, and we certainly weren’t sacrificing ourselves to each other as the Bible tells us to.

Give to Each Other Sacrificially

The verses below explain how to take care of your marriage.

Per Scripture, if you want to improve intimacy in your marriage, you must sacrifice yourself. This means being mentally and spiritually prepared for your spouse’s needs.

Ephesians 5:21-30 reads,

“And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.²² For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. ²⁴ As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

²⁵ For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.^[a] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. ²⁸ In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ²⁹ No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. ³⁰ And we are members of his body.

(NLT).

Self-care For The Marriage

Another way to consider caring for yourself—your mind, body, and soul—is to do so for your marriage.

1 Cor 7:3-5 (see below) says to submit your body to each other to keep your mind, body, and soul in a place to be obedient for the body of marriage.

This verse describes the conduct and responsibility for intimacy.

It might sound like it’s only speaking to the physical aspect of intimacy. But an emotional connection will occur, too. The emotional connection comes through the courting, the flirting, the smiling, the sweet-talking, and the foreplay. It’s the blend of spontaneity and day-long flirting that makes sex and intimacy exciting and fun.

It’s not just intercourse.

Back to my story, yes, we were being physically intimate. But most of our intimacy was driven by a fertility calendar. We were dog-tired almost every night, so we lacked the desire to be emotionally or spiritually connected.

But who has the creative thoughts or energy to do all that when you’re so exhausted you can’t wait to crawl into bed just to crash?

Well, you have to make sacrifices. Because the reality is when you’re not taking care of yourself, you’ll end up thinking. “Hmmm…sleep or sex? Um, I’m too tired for sex, so I guess it’s sleep!”

Unfortunately, always choosing sleep doesn’t improve intimacy in your marriage. So you need to consider changes in your schedule, even if the choices are hard.

Another Way 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 is Helpful

This leads me to another piece of advice Paul gives in 1 Cor 7:3-5, “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. ⁴ The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

⁵ Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (NLT).

It helps your marriage because it offers protection – it gives the enemy fewer opportunities for attack.

Small Changes Can Improve Intimacy

We started making a better effort to eat healthy foods. Not so we would ‘lose weight’ (yet, who couldn’t lose a few pounds?) but to have clarity in our minds (and not be in a brain fog) to be mindful and aware of what was going on regarding our marriage and intimacy.

We ate less bad food (cut most carbs over time) and ate more good food to feel less tired and have more energy.

We made food choices based on how we wanted to feel and what was good for us instead of what would taste good.

The biggest help? Above all other activities, make a meal plan.

Believe it or not, overeating and feeling stuffed and groggy don’t lend themselves to a night of intimacy. Don’t believe me? Just think, ‘Thanksgiving dinner.’

We also focused on getting eight hours of sleep so we wouldn’t be fighting with the ‘hunger’ hormones that come with sleep deprivation.

We also tried to get outside more often to enjoy nature together, get some exercise, and relax.

These small things eventually resulted in big changes and improved intimacy in our marriage.

My referral and affiliate links are below. If you click through & make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no additional cost to you. My full disclosure can be viewed for details.

Looking for a way to stay motivated to take better care of yourself? Click my affiliate link to check out my Bible study.

Five REAL WAYS Self-care Can Improve Intimacy in Your Marriage

1. Cut the carbs and junk (empty calories). You’ll feel better and less tired!
2. Implement proper self-care for your gender and age. Self-care can prevent the development of lifestyle-related conditions that require medication (which can decrease libido). For example, high blood pressure medication can cause decreased libido.
3. Live as healthy as you can. Being that we can’t completely avoid taking medication (blood pressure medication, as an illustration) for various reasons—for example, a family history of an illness. Sometimes, people do everything right but still have health conditions requiring medications or treatment. However, having a healthy lifestyle can allow taking the lowest dose of a drug so you experience fewer side effects.
4. Pay attention to emotional self-care. Healthy self-care can help you emotionally – through positive self-esteem, thoughts, or body image – even after having kids or aging – because you know you are taking the best care of yourself. This activity can reduce anxiety, depression, guilt, or shame.
5. Spiritual self-care is essential. Self-care can help spiritually by allowing yourself to submit completely and sacrificially to the sanctification of marriage, as the verses describe.

Life is full of changes.

But with the right attitude toward self-care, you can be prepared to deal with things so that intimacy in your marriage doesn’t suffer.

Ready to take better care of yourself for the sake of your marriage?

Don’t forget your FREE Self-care Starter Guide! Get it HERE. 

Related Posts

Better Communication in Marriage Can Improve Self-care and Routines

4 Simple Communication Tips to Be Happy in Marriage

Self-care Protects Intimacy

Thanks for reading! Know someone who would benefit from reading this post? Share it on social media!

Ready for more? Here are my latest posts!

• 9 Must-Read Blog Posts to Manage High Blood Pressure Naturally
• Overcome Self-care Barriers with 4 Easy Tips
• 4 Easy Ways to Get Your Spouse to Eat Healthy Food
• 5 Easy Ways to Find Me-Time in Your Busy Schedule
• How to Try New Vegetables When You Hate to Eat Veggies

Originally published February 6, 2019