I thought my husband was trying to irritate me on purpose, but nothing could have been further from the truth! Of course, I didn’t know that at the time.
But this silly belief made me pretty unhappy as a new wife. And, what you believe can influence how you feel, how you think, and what you say.
So, I didn’t always communicate well.
That’s why it’s important to have a strong foundation for what you believe. One of the most crucial things to believe as a couple is that husbands and wives can communicate well in any circumstance.
Working on your marriage so you can have a positive relationship experience is part of a healthy self-care plan. Research shows that the more robust and affirmative your relational self-care experience is every day, the more successful you will be while taking care of yourself or making changes in your lifestyle.
In short, after I moved forward in my marriage with this new belief, I discovered four simple communication tips to be happy in marriage. These effective tips changed my attitude.
Therefore, my new belief became a reality. Here are the four tips I found to help me communicate with my husband.
Mind-reading Doesn’t Exist
First, I expected my husband to read my mind. Not like in science-fiction movies.
It was more like I felt like he should know what I wanted him to do without me telling him.
In addition, I assumed he always knew what I doing and what I was going to do next. Above all, my belief was that he should ‘just know’ when I needed his help.
For example, if I was preparing dinner in the kitchen and became overwhelmed, I expected him to come to help me without being asked.
But he didn’t come to help me. Of course, that would make me mad.
Then, I assumed he didn’t want to help me. This thinking led to some pretty heated (and one-sided arguments).
But then I set out to learn the truth.
I struggle with saying what I want.
So, I changed my belief about my husband’s ability to know what I want and need without telling him.
Now, although it is sometimes difficult for me to say it, I work hard to remember to tell him what I want.
Going back to my example of preparing dinner, now I use a different strategy.
Instead of thinking my husband doesn’t want to help me, I ask for help. In fact, I asked him to give me permission to ask him to help me.
So I ask.
And, do you know what? Every time I ask him to help me, he does!
Identify the Story
In addition to realizing my husband is not a mind-reader, I am learning that my beliefs lead me to tell myself stories.
What I mean by ‘a story’ is that in addition to thinking my husband doesn’t want to help me, I create reasons why my husband feels that way.
It is quite easy to identify when you are telling yourself a story.
When you have thoughts about your husband (especially if they’re negative), ask yourself why he’s doing that. Then, pay attention to the story you’re telling yourself.
The story I was telling myself in the previously mentioned ‘making dinner scenario’ varied, but most often I told myself the reason he didn’t want to help me was that he was mad at me.
The thought of him being mad at me made me feel defensive (because I felt bad and didn’t know what I had done to make him mad).
Feeling defensive led to emotional arguments.
Calm Down Before Speaking – Simple Communication Tips to be Happy in Marriage
I find I have a hard time having a rational conversation if I’m upset.
Therefore, I recommend that you calm down before talking to your spouse when you’re upset.
Give yourself a few minutes to walk away and clear your head so you can see if you are expecting your husband to read your mind, or if you’re telling yourself a story.
Finally, it is best to allow yourself to feel and work through your emotions so you fully understand how you feel yourself before trying to explain your feelings to your spouse.
It’s easier to speak to your spouse if your intense emotions are not driving what you say.
Pray for Your Husband
The other thing that has made a positive influence on my marriage is praying for my husband.
I never knew the value of doing this until I completed a simple Bible study called The Power of a Praying Wife.
The study helped me learn numerous ways I can pray for my husband. Even today (after 10 years), I use bookmarked pages as stepping stones to pray for my husband for a few minutes every day during my quiet time.
Praying for your husband is a powerful tool to help you love your husband as God created him to be!
However, I can also tell you that this study changed me too!
The most important thing I learned through praying for my husband is to stop looking for my husband to fulfill me in the areas where I should be looking to God.
Simple Communication Tips to be Happy in Marriage
In closing, there are always going to be various challenges in marriage, especially with communication.
Following the four simple communication tips can help you find happiness in your marriage:
- Mind-reading doesn’t exist
- Identify the story
- Calm down before speaking
- Pray for your husband
But as I mentioned above, the most crucial thing to believe is that husbands and wives can communicate well in any circumstance.
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Hi, I’m Lisa! Thanks for visiting My Life Nurse, where we provide people who serve and take care of others with easy self-care plans and systems, wellness strategies, and scripture-based encouragement so you can stay happy, healthy and rejuvenated. I’ve found that many people struggle with caring for themselves while taking care of others, but they also feel called to serve others, so they keep working even when they’re stressed and exhausted. That’s why I combine my nursing expertise with Scripture-based teaching. Our readers love learning how to walk closer to the Lord to improve their self-care – so they can begin their journey to feel better – without feeling guilty. Be sure to grab your FREE Self-care StarTer Guide!