When the Holidays Feel Heavy: 9 Simple Self-Care Tips for Missing Someone You Love

If the holidays feel heavy this year, I’m here with you. I recently lost my mom after watching her decline through dementia during her last year. Here’s a few of the self-care activities I’ve found to be truly helpful.

Missing someone you loved dearly can make even simple moments feel achey and hurtful. It can certainly make the holidays feel heavy.

While others may be celebrating, you might find yourself:

• Holding onto your precious memories.
• Noticing a longing in your heart.
• Feeling a small, quiet sadness.

If you find yourself feeling this way, this post provides nine gentle ways to lighten your physical, emotional, and spiritual load this holiday season.

Need some help finding time to take better care of yourself? Get your FREE copy of the Self-Care Starter Guide HERE!

Practical Self-Care: 9 Gentle Habits for Harder Days

1 Lower the Pressure

Work on lowering the amount of pressure you put upon yourself to ‘be merry.’

You can still appreciate moments of beauty even if holiday joy feels fairly distant.

Let the holidays meet you where you are, not where you think you should be.

We often feel pressure, but this season doesn’t actually ask you to pretend you’re okay—in fact, it can be an invitation for you to care for your heart where it really is.

For me, admitting I was hurting released a lot of pressure I didn’t even realize I was feeling.

2 Schedule Light When Holidays Feel Heavy

Plan on doing at least one sort or nurturing activity each week—a quiet walk, warm drink, or journaling session. Whatever activities you find make your mood lighter.

These small choices create space for calm and peace amid all of the holiday and societal noise.

My favorite soothing activity when the holidays feel heavy is looking at old photos that aren’t from the holidays.

I helps me remember there were plenty of other good times throughout the year to smile about and so this activity in particular is helpful to me when the holidays feel heavy.

3 Stay Connected

Stay connected, but don’t wear yourself out or do anything you don’t feel like doing. Staying connected in small ways will work just fine right now.

Reach out to someone safe, just briefly.

Sometimes a short text, a quick phone call, or cup of tea with a friend reminds you that you’re not alone in your sorrow.

Remember, this season doesn’t actually ask you to pretend you’re okay. It can be an invitation to care for your heart – where it really is.

I recently started sharing about the grief I was carrying for the loss of my mom, and I discovered several coworkers were struggling with the same issues.

I felt less alone knowing this about my the people around me, even though we don’t talk about it a lot. Truthfully, we don’t have to because knowing we’re not alone in this is enough most days.

Emotional Support: Naming and Allowing What You Feel

4 Name What You Miss

Grief can show up as tiredness, irritability, or even numbness.

Take a quiet moment to name what (or who) you’re missing.

Simply acknowledging it gives your heart more room to breathe.

Naming it also helps you know what is causing you pain so you can process it and then decide on a coping strategy to deal with it.

Avoiding it or denying the pain is exhausting (on top of not being very helpful).

5 Simplify Your Expectations When Holidays Feel Heavy

You don’t have to do every single thing.

Choose one or two meaningful or favorite traditions and release the rest.

Let this truly be a season of giving yourself grace, not pressure. Sometimes our worst enemy is ourselves.

Does the house have to be absolutely spotless?

Do the decorations have to be exactly the same as last year?

Take a few moments and reflect on what few things are most important to you, and focus only on those few things.

I’ve struggled with perfection for most of my life, but I’ve discovered giving myself permission to be content with whatever feels right is not only a gift, but a feeling of freedom that I want to keep moving forward on this journey.

6 Let comfort Find You

Whether you feel comforted by your (or your loved one’s) favorite song, a candle’s glow, or a memory shared with someone who understands—these small comforts add up.

These little comforts remind you that love is still here, even when it feels far away.

Be sure to acknowledge when you feel the small comforts to help you see you are processing your grief.

Staying numb to everything can sometimes make the holidays even harder.

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Faith & Reflection: Inviting God Into Your Grief

7 Be Honest In Prayer

When I feel most alone, I have to remind myself to stop and spend time with the Lord. And I also remind myself it’s okay to ask for comfort.

For hope.

For peace.

We don’t ever need the perfect words.

Our Creator meets us right where we are, without expectations.

Every time.

Just whisper about what’s honest and real: Weariness, questions, and longing.

I promise-actually He promises that He will comfort you.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalms 34:18 ‬(‭NLT)

8 Create A moment Of Remembrance

Light a candle, write a note, or display something that honors the person you miss.

Love doesn’t end; it changes shape.

Remembering in your own special way can bring both tears and peace.

9 Rest Without Guilt

Processing through your grief is hard but necessary work.

Give yourself permission to rest, nap, or say no when it feels like too much.

It doesn’t matter how often you need the rest or break.

Resting isn’t laziness—it’s basic care for a mind, body and soul that’s been through tremendous loss.

This holiday season doesn’t need to be filled with doing—it can be about simply being.

• Being gentle with yourself.
• Being honest about what hurts and what brings joy.
• Being open to small moments of comfort, even in the middle of the pain.

Grief is a reflection of love, not your weakness. Please give yourself permission to rest, remember, and heal at your own pace.

If this time of year feels like too much, start small. A few quiet moments of care can make all the difference.

To help, I’ve put together a Free Self-Care Starter Guide—a gentle resource filled with easy, soul-soothing ideas to help you refill your cup when life feels heavy.

Get it HERE.

You don’t have to do it all—you just have to start where you are.

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