4 Ways Say No and Protect Time for Self-care

Learning how to say no and protect time for self-care is possible. What’s the secret? Asking these 4 questions and then following through! A quick peek: your boundaries and quiet time with the Lord are essential!

We’ve all been there—the day of reckoning—the moment you need to decide whether to say yes or no to the latest request for your time.

Say yes, and it’s goodbye respite. Or, say no and keep your essential self-care time.

But how do you say no to all of the demands?

By asking the right questions!

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Question #1 To Ask Yourself

Can I delay the decision?

If you’re like me, you can sense the desperation in the voices of the people making the requests.

• You can tell that what they’re doing is important.
• You can sense they need you.
• And they need me right now!

Maybe.

But maybe not.

Either way, don’t answer their request immediately.

Delaying the decision is the first strategy for saying no and protecting time for self-care.

Don’t answer any requests immediately.

Never. Just don’t do it.

All of us can make better decisions when we’re not under a time constraint or pressure to make them. Give yourself time to contemplate the opportunity and make a thoughtful decision.

In our initial conversation, we may sense that whatever they’re doing is important to them (the person asking us to do something).

And they passionately believe they need someone (anyone) to help them.

Finally, the sooner they find the person to help them, the sooner they can cross that task off their to-do list. So it is urgent. It’s urgent to them.

The reality is that none of the situations are an emergency to you.

So, before you say yes, be sure you’re saying yes for the right reasons.

Until you know, answer with a pre-selected (and practiced) response.

Something like the following will do:

• “I don’t believe I can do that right now. But I’ll review my schedule, and if I can, I will respond to you tomorrow.”
• “That sounds like a great [opportunity, program, mission], but unfortunately, I can’t take on anything else right now.

What if you decide to proceed after you take time to think?

That’s easy. Reply to the person who requested your help. I promise it will be a thrill for them to hear from you!

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Question #2 for How to Say No and Protect Time for Self-care

Have I brought the requests into my quiet time?

It may not seem relevant to bring requests for your time into your quiet time, but I assure you it is.

Why?

Because it can help you identify the right reasons to say yes.

Thus making everything else an easy no.

Spending time with God (whether it’s in prayer, praise, meditation, or studying Scripture) helps you align your priorities.

Once your priorities are adjusted:

• It’s easier to separate earthly matters and Kingdom matters.
• You have a clearer head because you have removed the pressure to please the person asking you for help.
• And finally, your stress is lowered because you’ve removed the time constraints.

To clarify, both of the prepared responses above are negative answers. That means if you confirm that the request is not for you, no further follow-up is necessary.

On the other hand, if during your prayer time you feel the request is essential for you or your calling, you have the validation to pursue the opportunity with confidence.

This process allows you to filter requests without feeling obligated to respond to everyone else’s priorities.

And can we have a sidebar conversation for a second?

Be as consistent with your quiet time as possible. Quiet time is self-care.

Therefore, put this self-care time on your calendar; it’s an essential self-care task. Doing this will help you in two ways!

• Quiet time is on the calendar, so you can be more consistent with your spiritual self-care.
• You can also clarify your priorities during the decision-making process.

Question #3 Ask Will the Task Edify My Calling?

Similarly, tasks worthy of a ‘yes’ can help you edify your calling.

Dictionary.com defines the word edify as to instruct or benefit, especially morally or spiritually; uplift.

Relationships can be built up or developed, your trust in God can be deepened, and the Gospel can be shared during these opportunities.

Aligning tasks that edify your calling can offer instruction related to your purpose, be Kingdom-focused, and are usually a positive experience.

We please God when we focus on eternal matters instead of earthly ones.

Of course, not all of the opportunities will edify your calling.

So we have one more question to ask, so we always leave room for these opportunities.

Question #4 What is My Opportunity Cost?

Saying yes to tasks related to Kingdom matters is a good thing.

But there’s still something else to consider.

When you spend time on any particular task(s), you give up an opportunity to spend time on other tasks.

You have a finite amount of time and energy. So you’ll need to weigh each request.

If you say yes to A, you are saying no to B.

This is important to understand. Before I built this list of questions, I had a ‘squeeze it in’ mentality. Somehow, I thought I could make it all work. I thought I could ‘make room.’

But that mentality is flawed.

When you spend your time doing something ‘here’, you cannot also spend it doing something ‘there’.

Why?

First, some tasks cannot be compressed, no matter how much you try. The task takes the time it takes, and there are no more shortcuts after a certain point.

Second, you can’t always tell which tasks are ‘unsqueezable’ upfront.

Third, and probably most frustrating, some tasks have hidden barriers.

You can’t see how big the project is until you start.

Lastly, most of us underestimate the time required for every task on our calendar.

Seriously. Think about that. How often do you forget about the hidden ‘inactive’ time? Things like:

• Commute time
• High-volume traffic times
• Meal prep & planning when we cook at home
• Gathering (looking for) supplies
• Waiting for responses
• Interruptions (huge)

How can you accommodate the above when so much is hidden or unpredictable?

You can’t 1:1.

But you can implement a guideline to help.

For every ONE thing you say ‘yes’ to, you say ‘no’ to two others.

Saying no to two other tasks won’t necessarily open your schedule like you think. But it will prevent you from overcommitting.

Plus, something interesting happens when you implement this ground rule.

When you consider that two things either go away or never start, you feel a greater need to follow through with the other suggestions I’ve listed above!

I know that this process won’t always work perfectly. However, it’s still effective at protecting your me-time.

It can help you live out your purpose. And, after using this decision tree, you will see that not every request is worth your yes.

In closing, I hope you see that learning to say no and protect time for self-care is pretty simple. Some opportunities will also allow you to edify your calling in the process.

It’s all possible when you know the secret—asking the right questions.

Schedule your quiet time now, and add these questions to your quiet time with God so you can start asking yourself the right questions today!

Don’t forget your FREE Self-care Starter Guide! Get it HERE.

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Post originally published August 26, 2019.